contentment complete

just sitting here, right down on this couch. muffled thoughts mixed with nostalgic stirrings. alone. not in person; but in the mellowness of my mind is a peaceful calm. alone with my thoughts. animated talking and a quite physical game of -sticks- going on around the table in front of me. seems like everyone wants to join. well.... almost everyone. there are those good friends who sit next to me and join me in merry conversation. but i think these games are good. it's games like these that make friends. alone. not the loneliness of lost friends or sorrowful heart, but the other alone. the alone where i am just sitting back; with time to wonder, time to sitback and just stop. stop everything. stop worrying, stop racking my mind, stop rushing. just stuck in the moment. surrounded by those i love. complete contentment. surrounded by so many blessings. everything; every voice, every noise, every commotion, just blended into that background blend. with many voices laughing in unison, and the occasional exclamation of, "that's not fair!." and here i sit, just letting it wash over me. sometimes there is that need to be alone. to sit with that expression of sweet sadness lightly impressed upon the face. content in the knowledge that -i am loved!- . there is that gentle tug on endearing heart strings as i am reminded that this is the last night we shall see many of us. and just maybe, every once in a while, you'll see the small hint of a smile appear as i recall one those strange little memories that appear out of nowhere. peace from within. inner peace that lets me just close my eyes and breathe. and i know that all is good, all is well. and now i turn to those around me and blend into the harmony of voices that is slowly fading.

(written sunday night, may 20. in a small chapel by the lake at camp arnes, winnipeg)